I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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