the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
