I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
