I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
