Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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