remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
