I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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