i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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