i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
