I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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