Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
wow bdsm is so cute
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
