Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just threw up on my dentist
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
