its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
