On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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