I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
