walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
