When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize