I need help removing her.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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