wakey wakey hands off snakey
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
