We need to rekindle our bromance
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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