I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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