Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
