Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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