Your face is a jimmy john
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Someone signed my nipple.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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