It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
