Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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