would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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