I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sarcasm needs its own font
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
