I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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