he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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