So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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