for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
