and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
