I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
