remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
