it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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