A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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