I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
