we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
