As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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