So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
