So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
