and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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