i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
