Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
