You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
