I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
