i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
