I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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