are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
