His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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