Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
