My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
