we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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