he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
