Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
