Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
