cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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