just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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