I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
