I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
