Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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