How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
