i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
