if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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